Emotional Eating and the smell of rosemary.
Being a health and wellness professional means that sometimes people will feel obligated to tell me about their relationship with food and their bodies without me ever asking. Almost like there is a judgment coming that they are trying to avoid. I can walk into a room full of people and once they become aware of what I do for a living they begin to apologize to me for what they are eating.
A very common phrase that I have heard over the years is “I am an emotional eater”. In my early coaching career I felt like I had an understanding of what this meant. Something along the lines of “If you are stressed, mad, sad, emotionally driven - you eat” But lately I’ve been doing some reflecting and I now believe that we are ALL emotional eaters. Without even realizing it. We, knowing and unknowingly attach feelings to certain foods. Think about it - Do you have a favorite food? A food that reminds you of a certain person or a place? A certain alcohol you can’t have anymore because of that one time you had a wee bit too much? How about your go-to food when you are sick? Perhaps a food that you now hate in your adulthood because you were forced to eat it as a child?
Okay - Let’s unpack a little..
Emotion as defined by good ol’ Merriam Webster is : a conscious mental reaction (such as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as a strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavior changes in the body.
A research article written on MDPI.com says “Emotional eating means the overconsumption of food as a response to negative emotions and stress as a possible way of regulating emotions. Unpredictable changes, which cause stress and psychological distress, can often be a trigger for emotional eating. Studies have found a high degree of emotional eating among people with poor emotional regulation skills.” Nutrients | Free Full-Text | Lifestyle Changes, Emotional Eating, Gender, and Stress during COVID-19 Lockdown | HTML (mdpi.com)
I recognize that in most situations when “emotional eating” is discussed it is under a negative lens. There are definitely times where a person is so distressed that they will reach for food to find some sort of relief or comfort. However, I would also argue that you can reach for food in a joyful circumstance. Eating your favorite foods, drinking your favorite drinks, eating with your favorite people can produce joy and that is NOT a bad thing when done within reason in a balanced way.
When I was a kid I would visit my father every other weekend. Dad and I had this awesome routine whenever we were together. Specifically Saturdays!
Once we both were up and awake we would watch some Saturday morning cartoons and have breakfast. This was either homemade french toast (MY MOST FAVORITE BREAKFAST FOOD EVER) or we would walk to our favorite diner. He would totally sing me songs along the way.
Upon arrival we would sit in the same two person booth, even the waitresses knew it was our spot. I of course would get french toast, and dad would have his coffee and his breakfast choice. He’s more of an eggs and toast kinda guy. After breakfast we would walk back to the apartment and get ready to do something outside. We would play some basketball or play catch. We would also bring sidewalk chalk so that after we were done playing we could chalk up a mural on the blacktop.
Once we finished up at the park we would be hungry. We’d stop over at this little shopping center that we always passed on the way home. I can't remember everything it had in it BUT I do remember the three places we would stop in every time. First, 7Eleven..we needed slurpees after all of our hard work at the park. Second, the chinese food spot (which is also a favorite and something I could eat literally everyday). The chinese food would take about 20 minutes to be ready. I can still hear my dad saying “We’ll be right back, we are going next door.” The toy store. Dad would always get me some sort of creative thing to do. It was always sand art, clay, or more paint and paper. Just enough time to look, buy art supplies, cash out and get our chinese food.
We’d get home & chow down. FUN FACT: Chinese food was actually what dad would use to get me to eat my veggies! #chickenandbroccoli4life Most of the time there was a nap shortly after. Once we were up we would draw and paint and it was just the best. Dad would start to get dinner together and most of the time I would watch as he would prep and season whatever he was making for us. Dad was a chef (literally) so he was always creative. One time we ran out of breadcrumbs and he used cornflakes. This may seem like a common substitution nowadays, but when you are 8 years old it's basically the coolest thing ever. Daddy was and still is very particular with the way he seasoned. To this day 20 something years later, the smell of rosemary still reminds me of my dad. Every time I use it I can’t help but think about those special moments that we shared while I was growing up.
My dad lives many states away from me now (insert tears) but whenever we are together it's literally nothing but hugs, kisses, and food. Eating with my dad is my favorite. When we have our Negron Reunion during the summer and my dad, brothers, grandfather, aunts, uncles, and cousins are all together you can count on meal times being the highlight. We are all so happy and so well fed during that vacation it isn’t even funny.
I say all this to point out that things from my childhood have impacted my adulthood and even my children’s lives!
French Toast is STILL my favorite, my husband makes THE BEST french toast.
Chinese Food is STILL my favorite, and my daughter loves it too!
I still draw and paint regularly.
My husband and I go on breakfast dates.
THIS is also “emotional eating”, and this is NOT a bad thing. Food is not the problem. Our understanding of food, food labels, portion sizes, and balanced eating is.
We are a culturally diverse people. We will interact with food multiple times a day on a daily basis for our entire lives! Food extends outside of the idea of being called things like “good, bad, or fuel” for us. The way we think about food and build our surrounding environment is deep rooted in how we were raised. We have to be willing to take a closer look at our roots to see where and how our eating habits formed.
If we are reaching for food during times of stress, anger, or frustration we have to be willing to retrace our steps and figure out why. Reaching for food when you are wrestling with your emotions is not a healthy habit to have. I understand that sometimes it seems like the easiest solution, but we have to ask ourselves if this habit is something we can afford to do long term. Giving ourselves the freedom and grace to do this deeper digging while having self compassion will help us to “break the chain” and be proactive about mending our relationship with ourselves and food. If we can do that, we can prevent future generations from having to learn the hard way like the rest of us.
Here are three ways that you can start to better manage emotional eating and stress.
Journaling the episodes - Start a journal and start to document your emotional eating episodes. Be sure to include where it happened, when it happened, what triggered your emotions, what the specific emotions were, who was involved, and what you ate in each episode. After a few weeks of documenting you will start to be able to notice and name some patterns. If you can find the patterns, you can change the habits.
Find stress management strategies - The root of some emotional eating is a mismanagement of stress. I have two favorite stress management strategies that I use personally and with my children all of the time.
The first is prayer. A conversation between me and the big guy where I just tell him everything that is stressing me out and empty my heart. Much like journaling it is a great way to just release and keep my peace. If you find that speaking out loud is too hard or even awkward, write your prayers down. One of my favorite Bible verses is Isaiah 26:3 “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” If I can get my mind off of the stressors, I can have peace.
The second is “Tactical breathing”. It is a technique used by Navy Seals when experiencing the trigger of the fight-or-flight response. To do this, place your right hand on your stomach and exhale heavily. Then, slowly draw your breath upward from your abdomen to your upper chest by inhaling through your nostrils. Exhale slowly, beginning at your chest and working your way down to the air in your abdomen. Consider your navel to be in contact with your spine while breathing. Once you're comfortable with a full, deep breath, do it again, but this time exhale twice as long as you inhale. I use this one for my sons A LOT.
Powerfully Pause - there is power in the ability to PAUSE before taking any action. Believe it or not you DO have control of your response to any situation, even when it feels very much out of control. You just have to pause. If I am about to eat something due to stress and not actual hunger I will pause and walk away. If I know that family or co-workers are frustrating me, I will pause and walk away before saying something I do not mean. You too CAN pause. Try it!
Habit change is possible, but it requires intentionality. If we do not uproot things that have been planted into our foundation we stand no chance of being able to successfully change. We might have some sense of temporary control and the habit might lay dormant for a while..but it will always come right back. Give yourself a fighting chance. Remember that there are things that could have sparked a habit in your life several years ago that will take TIME to break down. It may not be instant but it will happen if you work for it.
Remember that you can have a balanced life AND experience health. We all tie emotion to food, whether we realize it or not. We can all be considered emotional eaters. Emotionally eating in a negative way may have been your story but it does not have to stay your story. Give yourself grace friend. You got this.
Daddy, if you are reading this - I love you. Thank you for giving me some of my most favorite memories ever. <3
Love y’all.
-Jess
