Self-love is required
In short, self-love is required.
I could end this blog post at that, but I have to explain this.
As a Wellness Coach, I am given access to some of my clients' silent struggles, intrusive thoughts, and situations. We talk about so much more than just lifting weights and food. Sure, it starts that way, but as trust develops, it becomes much more. I thank God for trusting me with it.
The other day as I was in my car, I was talking to God and asking him what is the common theme of the struggles. Without hesitation, He says, "Boundaries."
You all know me; I had to look it up.
A boundary is something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.
It helps to create clear guidelines/rules/limits of how you would like to be treated.
What does this mean when it comes to our overall well-being?
It means that when we allow ourselves or others to overstep our boundaries, we compromise on how we want to be treated.
WHY DO WE DO THAT?!
That's like someone telling us they intend to punch us in the face, and we say, "Okay, but can you try and do it softly, please?"
Compare this to every time we did not work out because of whatever excuse, and now we feel crappy, and our body aches.
It's like knowing someone is stealing money from you, but it's not more than $5 a day, so you just let it slide. After a year, that would have cost you $1,825.
Compare this to eating sugar once a day every day - now it's added up to 10 lbs that we did not have on our body last year.
You can also compare it to staying an extra hour after work three times per week for months. How many precious minutes of your life do you not get back now?
It's like someone mistreating you - and you allow it even when it bothers you.
I could go on forever...
I am sure you are thinking - "Jess, that's dramatic.."
But is it? Because as someone who used to allow her boundaries to be crossed by everyone to avoid upsetting anyone. I should have just asked them to punch me in the face. It would have healed faster than it took my heart to recover.
What if we loved ourselves enough and followed through with our boundaries? Self-love is required. We have to VALUE OURSELVES.
Until we love ourselves enough, any excuse is good enough, whether from others or ourselves. Any food that we put into our bodies is good enough. Mistreatment from people is accepted. Any intrusive thought about how "terrible" we are is allowed. We make ourselves available to all of it.
Knowing when you are full and not allowing yourself to overeat - is a boundary.
Keeping work and home separate - is a boundary.
Keeping up with your workouts despite difficulty - is a boundary.
Having a set time for work and clocking out when you are DONE - is a boundary.
Not drinking alcohol while everyone else is - is a boundary.
There is a bible verse that people cut up all the time because they cut it short. The verse is from Matthew 22:39 "Love your neighbor."
The FULL verse reads, "Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF."
This stands to reason that loving someone else involves LOVING YOURSELF. Self-love is REQUIRED.
This is not an arrogant, selfish love. This kind of love means you are being kind to yourself. It means you have boundaries set to protect your calling, peace, joy, relationships, and health. This kind of love hits differently. When you love yourself, you will not tolerate being treated anyway. When you love yourself like this - you can love someone else and love them WELL.
You become a better spouse.
You become a better parent.
You become a better friend.
You become a better son/daughter.
You become a better sibling.
You become a better employee.
You become largehearted and can finally care for others because you aren't burnt out and exhausted.
Do you love yourself so that you CAN love someone else?
Self-love is REQUIRED.
As someone who once uttered the words "I hate myself," I understand how challenging this is. Those feelings of "unworthiness" lingered for a long time and seeped into everything I did and every relationship I had. They influenced how I spoke to myself and kept me from trying to be better for YEARS. They even made me feel as though God could love everyone…except for me. Until one day, I realized- that if God forgives me, who am I to try and hold onto what he's already said he has forgotten? (Hebrews 8:12 “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”)
My life changed when I understood God's love for me despite my flaws and mistakes. I invite you today - to accept love.
God already loves you.
Now, self-love is required.
